


Sex Pollen Smoke

by Elsie876



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Frottage, Kissing, Lister tops, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 21:50:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20589668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsie876/pseuds/Elsie876
Summary: What it says on the tin. Lister and Rimmer breathe in sex pollen smoke. Sex ensues.





	Sex Pollen Smoke

Whose fault it was, Lister didn't know. Had he gathered the wood or had Rimmer? He couldn't remember. All he remembered was lighting the fire and then a pleasant-smelling smoke that drew them to sit beside it. He and Rimmer were supposed to be guarding the campsite while Cat and Kryten foraged. 

However, that was the last thing on his mind right now. All he wanted right now was to fuck Rimmer into the ground. Lister reached over to grab Rimmer, but Rimmer was well ahead of him, grabbing Lister's jacket and throwing it to the ground. Lister retaliated by grabbing Rimmer by the shoulders and pushing him down onto the ground. Rimmer smiled.

"Sure you can handle me, Listy?"

"Just watch me," growled Lister.

Lister rutted against Rimmer, too far gone to even think of removing any more clothes. Rimmer pushed back against him, rubbing his groin against Lister's, the rough fabric of Lister's jeans and the smooth fabric of Rimmer's just adding to the sensations. Rimmer came first with Lister soon behind him. 

Lister collapsed on top of him; his head on Rimmer's chest and Rimmer let him. Lister listened to his heartbeat.

"Didn't know holograms had a heart beat."

Rimmer reached down to stroke Lister's hair.

"There's a lot you don't know about me."

"I'd like to find out more. Ready for Round Two?"

"I've always been ready."

Lister eased his way off Rimmer and sat up. Rimmer copied him. Now it was Lister's turn to smile.

"Let's get started."

This time, the lust took longer to build up again. They started by kissing, if the battling between their tongues could be called that. Each time Lister pulled back for air, Rimmer pulled him back in. At last, Lister shoved him away. 

“Is that all you want, smeghead? Kissing?”

“Make me stop, then.”

“All right.”

He pushed Rimmer back onto the ground, his hands wrapped around Rimmer’s wrists. Rimmer smiled again.

“What’s next, Listy? Same thing again?”

“Not this time.”

“Well, what then?”

“I bet that you would really like my cock in your mouth.”

“Maybe. But admit it, Listy, you’d like mine in yours too.”

Lister sighed. Now that Rimmer had said it, he did want it. Luckily, there was an easy solution for that.

“Ever heard of a sixty-nine?”

Of course Rimmer had. He pretended that he’d only heard of the male-female version, but Lister did not believe that for one second. All those “Big Boys in Boots” jokes had to come from somewhere. Still, it gave him a good excuse to order Rimmer around, and for Rimmer to let him.

“Lie back while I get ready.”

Rimmer made no protests about bottoming as Lister expected he might. He merely waited and watched while Lister positioned his groin over Rimmer’s mouth. It was only when he was right over his face that he asked, “Am I supposed to suck you off through your jeans?”

Lister had a retort ready.

“You want it, you unwrap it.”

Rimmer didn’t need to be told twice. He pulled Lister’s belt off and tossed it aside. He tore Lister’s jeans and pants down with a wild abandon that shocked even Lister. Nevertheless, he barely had time to register it before Rimmer took the head of his cock in his mouth.

Smeg that felt good. Lister hurried to undo Rimmer’s trousers, but found it unnecessary as Rimmer had changed his projection to the naked setting from the waist down. 

“Lucky bastard not having to deal with real clothes.”

Rimmer’s response to that was to take more of Lister’s dick into his mouth so Lister got busy and took Rimmer’s into his.

Smegging hell, how long had it been since he’d sucked another man’s dick like this? Not since before the radiation leak. Lister was generally a ladies’ man, but he also enjoyed sucking the occasional dick. He licked slowly and carefully at first and then increased the pace to bring Rimmer to a climax.

As Lister expected, Rimmer was the first to come. He was glad to see that he had not lost his touch. He pulled his mouth off, letting Rimmer’s holographic come cover his face. Rimmer moaned around his cock as he did this, pushing Lister over the edge as well. Lister was careful not to collapse on Rimmer this time, instead rolling over and then lying by his side.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never sucked any cocks before,” said Lister.

“Not anyone I enjoyed as much as you,” replied Rimmer.

Lister said nothing else, not wanting to spoil the moment. Smeg only knew how long this would last. He turned his face toward Rimmer’s and Rimmer reached up to caress it. Then he looked dismayed.

“Dave, you’re sticky.”

“What? Oh, that. Don’t worry about it. I prefer not to swallow.”

“But it’s disgusting. I should clean it off.”

Lister caught Rimmer’s chin in his hand before he could do something stupid.

“Look at me, Arnold. Nothing about tonight is disgusting, least of all your come.”

Lister licked one of his fingers, used that to take some of the come off his face and licked it with a grin.

“Tastes pretty smegging good to me. Just like the rest of you.”

Rimmer relaxed. “And how would you know?”

“I can guess. Or would you rather I found out?”

Rimmer smiled. “I know which one I prefer.”

***

“Mister Cat, what’s the matter?”

Cat stood stock still, not even noticing that one of the tassels on his jacket was not hanging right.

“I smell something weird. It’s almost like monkey sex.”

“Where is the smell coming from, sir?”

“Back from our camp, but that can’t be right. Those two monkeys have been dancing around each other for years. Why now?”

Kryten was puzzled for a moment, then he spotted the culprit when a pinecone fell off a large tree around five feet away from them.

“I believe I’ve spotted the likely culprit. Let me analyze it.”

Kryten peeled off a small portion of the cone and placed it inside his particle analyzer. The result did not surprise him in the least.

“It seems that Mr. Lister and Rimmer have fallen victim to _Abies amoris_.”

“Abiss-what?”

“Let me explain, sir. This is a species of pine tree that evolved to protect itself from predators in a rather unique way. You know how some trees use poisonous chemicals to protect themselves from harm?”

“I don’t.”

“Well, now you do. _Abies amoris_ is different though. It protects itself by producing chemicals that induce lust and concentrates them in its pinecones, pollen and bark. Any animal that eats it becomes overcome with lust and stops eating it, allowing the tree to live. Dead wood is especially potent and if you burn it….”

Kryten let that sink in before adding. “Mr. Lister or Mr. Rimmer must have added it to their fire by mistake. They and everything else in the area will be overcome with lust for the entire evening.”

“Well, I am not going back there. I’m not letting them mess up these tassels. Come on, Cone Head. Let’s find another camp that’s not gross.”

“I quite agree, sir. Oh to think of those two together. It makes my circuits burst!”

***

Lister woke up with his arms around Rimmer. He looked so peaceful asleep. It was hard to believe that he was the same man who had been so eager to have Lister fuck him in so many different ways last night. The crazy lust that had overtaken them both was gone, but the memories remained and he would treasure them. 

All too soon, he heard a distinct crashing through the underbrush.

“Rimmer, wake up! They’re coming back now.”

“What, already?”

Rimmer turned his clothes back on, but he could not do anything to hide his mussed hair or the smell of sex that pervaded their entire camp.

Lister had already put most of his clothes back on, except for his belt, which he had been unable to find in the dark. He retrieved it now, buckling it just as Cat and Kryten emerged through the underbrush. Cat spoke with his usual tact.

“Ugh! I can smell the sex from twenty feet away. You monkeys are disgusting!”

“Well, I have no regrets,” replied Lister with a slight scowl. 

Kryten coughed.

“That may change, sir, when you learn what I have to tell you.”

Kryten told them all about _Abies amoris_ and how it had induced the lust they had felt last night. Lister kept glancing over at Rimmer, who had remained quiet and withdrawn since Cat and Kryten had shown up. Once Kryten was done, Lister spoke up.

“That still doesn’t change one smegging thing for me. I’d do it again if I had the chance and I don’t want to hear any more about how it’s gross or disgusting, okay?”

Cat was a fool, but not that big a fool. He shrugged.

“Okay, Bud and Non-Bud. Just don’t do it in my room or on my clothes.”

“Fair enough. Kryten?”

Kryten sighed. “I shall refrain from any further comments on the matter.”

“Fine. Let’s go.”

Rimmer offered to tidy up the camp while the rest of them took the foraged goods (mostly fresh fruits that Kryten could dry) back to Starbug. Lister worried that it was an excuse to avoid the rest of them and resolved to find him on Starbug next chance he got. 

Luckily for him, Cat and Kryten insisted on piloting Starbug back to Red Dwarf so Lister got a chance to talk to Rimmer alone. He found Rimmer in his bunkroom wrapping something up.

Rimmer started when Lister came up behind him, but then he relaxed.

“Oh good, it’s you. Here, I’ve got something to show you.”

He unwrapped the cloth and there were six _Abies amoris_ pinecones. Lister smiled and shook his head.

“You sneaky smeghead. You offered to pack up camp so you could smuggle these on, didn’t you?”

“Of course. For times when we need the extra help. Or want it.”

“So you’re definitely not ashamed?”

“I’m not if you’re not. You weren’t lying, were you?”

Lister pulled Rimmer in for another passionate kiss. When they broke away, he said, “This seem fake to you?”

“Not a bit. Lead the way.”

**Author's Note:**

> Expanded from this 100 words fill: https://fail-fandomanon.dreamwidth.org/381368.html?thread=2237143736#cmt2237143736


End file.
